I spoke too soon when I said he was being such a good patient. He has been a real bear this week. Of course, under the circumstances we have decided to forgive his irritability.

During his last visit to the Oncologist a few weeks ago he was given steroids. The steroids really got his motor humming and he was feeling some energy and a sense of well being. Those have begun to wear off so his energy level has hit bottom again and that sense of well being is gone.

The steroids play tricks with his head. They help his feelings to a point that he can have hope that he is going to one day get back to normal and be able to take care of himself again. Although he doesn't talk about it, this week he has had moments where he has had to face reality. The hospice nurse says this is when they begin to see a lot of agitation and irritability in patients.

Yesterday was a very bad day for him. He was short tempered with everyone. He has been taking Ativan but the nurse switched him to Haldol which seemed to calm him down quite a bit. Elliott went over in the afternoon and spent the night with his Nanny and Granddaddy. When I spoke with Elliott last night he said that granddaddy was in good spirits and had sat and watched T.V. with him for a few hours. So, I guess the Haldol is doing the trick. The nurse is going to talk to the doctor about giving him more steroids. We are crossing our fingers that he allows it. As the disease progresses the steroids will do less for him but for the time being it's the best they can give him that will help him both physically and mentally.

He is napping quite a bit during the day and still spending most of his awake hours on the patio. We've had rain in the afternoons that interfere with his patio time so we set up a sitting area in the garage with a fan. He can sit there and watch the comings and goings and have a change of scenery. My mother, Linda and I sat out with him for a long time yesterday and he seemed to enjoy the change.

He fell in the bathroom last week while getting a shower. He won't allow the nurse to go into the bathroom with him and no amount of arguing will change his mind. Since then he has been bothered by pain in his lower back and hips. The nurse says that he more than likely fractured something but, at this point in his illness the best thing we can do is try and manage the pain. He has a hard time getting comfortable in bed due to the pain. He doesn't complain though. The only way we know he is in pain is if we hear him moan.

So, yesterday he was started on the stronger medication for the mental symptoms and he had his first dose of morphine for the physical symptoms. Hospice is wonderful and I don't know what we would do without them. I dreaded the day we would have to use them, didn't want to see it come around. Without them I don't know what we would do though.

Several months ago my daddy read an article in the newspaper about Hospice. He cut the contact information out and taped it in my mother's address book and told her she was one day going to need the help. I think his main concern in all this is her. Who is going to watch T.V. with her or who is going to bring her, her morning cup of coffee. I guess those are normal worries after nearly 55 years of marriage.

I just talked to my mother. She said he had a very good night, slept most of the night. Maybe the change in medications is going to mean better rest. Maybe getting more rest will mean more energy during the day. We are like the blind leading the blind up here. We never know what a new day will bring so, keep us in your prayers. Pray for comfort for my daddy and that my mother, Linda and I are able to keep up with his needs.